Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
