Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
