NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
