I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
