I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
