so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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