At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
