I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
