I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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