dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
