8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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