I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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