On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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