I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
