Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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