I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
