He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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