Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
