so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
