Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
