i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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