I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
