they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
