Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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