i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
