no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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