yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
