butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
