I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
