I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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