Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
