you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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