He is such a slut. More and more my type.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im holly from the hills drunk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
