around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So much rum. So many feels.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
