His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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