My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She said her name was "party"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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