"it" just moved
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
