Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
