My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
