Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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