You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
