Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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