How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Pooping to opera.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
