Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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