Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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