dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
