what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
