The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
