Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
