if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
