So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
