I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
